It’s something I’ve been getting a lot of lately.

I guess, it goes with the “newness” of the territory. The thing is, when you’re used to doing something and you’re good at it, you get this certain confidence. You feel like you’re some sort of the best (well, without being a condescending douche, of course) which is both good and bad. You have that air of certainty. Of being sure of what you can do. You get that bounce in your walk. You feel like you can take on the world and kick the “real world’s” ass.

Then, you go do this new thing. Which is scary but you convince yourself that you can fake the hell out of it and you’ll make it. A few weeks worth of faking it will get you through it, but then it’ll take its toll and you’ll slowly crumble and break. You think you’re competent to do it but you get a meeting every single day about your conjunctions and God help me, even your pronouns. So, you start to question and doubt.

Am I good enough?!

Do I have enough brain cells to do this?!

Are they talking about how bad I suck at this thing?!

You get frustrated because you think about what they’re saying and it doesn’t seem to make sense in your head. So you nod and accept everything even smile a little. You go back to your station with a bruised ego.

I know that there is no place for egos or what-not at this point but dang it! The ego is there and it’s a bit shaken up. I can’t say that it doesn’t bother me that every day I get something handed back to me with a whole lot of speech balloons pointing out everything but the right ones I did.

Then again, we go back to: “the beginning is always the hardest”. It really is, isn’t it? I knew that. But sometimes, it’s… I don’t know, too real that it’s frustrating?

Voice of Reason Says:

Maybe you’re frustrated because, once again, you’re reading too much into every single thing. And that. Needs to stop. Pronto. It’s still relatively new and the over thinking won’t make you think faster or even solve any of the “internal battles” going through your head. You’re getting all frustrated because in a long time, you’ve never been so helpless in a situation? It is called a comfort zone for a reason. Now, that you left it you have to accept and realize that it’s not gonna be easy. Life outside your idealistic bubble is hard. Because if it were easy, we’d all be singing show tunes, chasing rainbows, and dancing with the butterflies and unicorns.

So here’s what I have to say: GET.OVER.IT. I know it can’t all go away with a snap of finger. The situation whether good or bad will change – at least, that’s what the trusted professor tells me. It takes a little of getting used to. You’ll get the hang of it. Some time soon. Take it easy. And for the sake of everything that is holy, please, BREATHE.

No worries. You’ll survive.