Sooo, how’s it going?

Me? I’ve been better. The past 2 weeks have been… different. Different good or different bad? I can’t say yet but I’ve definitely had a whole lot of time to think about things because, well, the people at the new workplace are not really the chatty type. Anyway, after my panic/anxiety attack last week (don’t ask), I realized these:

THINGS I ALREADY KNOW BUT PROBABLY FORGOT

1. The start is always the hardest. I’ve been stressing about my slow pace with the new work and I’ve been feeling so bad that I have no friends there. I want out after the first day. Swear. I was just so out of it that I really thought about quitting that soon. Haha. I am so lame. Anyway, I realized that we all go back to square one at some point. I blame this world for making everything instant. Instant coffee. Instant noodles. Instant photos. Instant… everything! Sometimes, I kinda forget that not everything is instant and starting over is always difficult.

2. It’s okay to make mistakes. You know what, my brother was going on and on about how my being an achiever in school has screwed me  up in the “real world”. And I think he’s right. And he’s not the type to be saying the right stuff. Haha! I am always so keen on doing things right. It’s like I have this need to be the best at everything. I’m not the best, that I’m sure of, but I don’t know. When I make mistakes, I beat myself up. I’m too hard on myself. Too critical. I forget that I’m human and humans make mistakes. A lot. I have to always remind myself that I’ll probably make more mistakes and it’s perfectly fine because making them doesn’t make me any less of a person.

3. Work is not supposed to be fun. I think because I had so much fun in my previous job that I had this idea in my head that work is fun but it’s actually not. Maybe because we didn’t do a lot of work there. Haha. But still, I was hoping for a workplace with a little semblance of fun. I was getting so frustrated and fortunately one of my good friends knocked some sense into my head and I realized that it’s work and it’s not supposed to be fun. Having fun with what you do for a living is just a bonus. And not everybody has that. Those who do are probably the exception. Me? I’m the rule. I guess, I’ll just have to suck it up and think about the moolah. For now. 🙂

4. Over thinking kills. I am the worst over thinker. Ever. Haha. But you probably know that already. I just can’t stop myself from thinking about everything. Urgh. I suck. I remember having a conversation with my mom. I was telling her that I read somewhere that intelligent people are more prone to depression because they think a lot. She agreed and told me that ignorance is bliss. I never really identified with that saying before because I’m the type of person who hates not knowing things. But for the first time last week, I wanted to be ignorant and just be blissful. Sometimes not knowing is better than knowing because once you know, you’ll over think it and ruin everything. I am a classic case of analysis paralysis. I always forget that it doesn’t help anybody, especially me so I just have to stop it. For reals.

5. Don’t take life too seriously, nobody has ever gotten out of it alive. I’ve been so caught up with knowing what the hell it is that I want to do and what career path do I take. What to do next. I always feel like I have to run this rat race to keep up with everything and everybody else that I pressure myself and forget to just stop and breathe. I’m not in this to win anything. I’m always worried about missing out on things that I end up actually missing out. I have to constantly remind myself that it is what it is so I just have to take it easy. Life is all about the journey and not the destination. If something shitty happens today, I just have to ask myself: after a few days, months, or even years, would this still matter? If the answer is no, then to hell with it. I’ll probably be kicking myself for it now but at some point in the future it’ll just be a memory that i’ll probably laugh off. So, take it easy.

 

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