1 Post A Day Challenge – Entry #30

I hate eating alone in public. It seemed sad to eat among groups of people chatting away and laughing with their fast food and coño accents. When I think about it, I probably got that “trauma” way back in high school. Freshman year, I got into a word war with a pushy classmate and I ended up eating lunch alone while they stared and obviously whispered about me. So yeah, I think that’s where I got that from.

Anyway, I finally faced that “fear” and have been eating out alone for a couple of days. I actually don’t have a choice. The job hunt has pushed me to do it. It’s either I eat alone or faint because of hunger. The other day, I ate at this pasta place I really liked. I was seated beside two girls chatting loudly in between spoonfuls of ravioli.

Girl 1: It was like a double date like the four of us.

Girl 2: (Nodding)

Girl 1: Kaya lang he lives like far from me. So where are we gonna go for the next date?

Girl 2: Oh yeah! That’s like suuuuper difficult.

Girl 1: I know right?!

Ermahgerd! Like seriously?! Haha. I know I shouldn’t be eavesdropping but as much as I don’t want to hear it, they were really loud. Plus, I didn’t get anything from that conversation so I guess it doesn’t count as eavesdropping at all. Today’s solo lunch was a bit better. I sat near the windows and people watched. Eating alone was sort of therapeutic, I guess. Much like the walk-a-thon I blogged about a few days ago. Before, in school we all had the impression that being alone is sad because we all equated happiness to the number of people who were around us or the friends (whether true or not) who sat with us during lunch. Back then, it didn’t matter if the “friends” you were with actually cared about what you think and actually got to know you. What was important was that you laughed along with their not funny jokes, you seemed interested about who’s dating who, and the fact that you belonged in a group (thus, the sad truth about cliques).

It’s an emotional/psychological breakthrough, isn’t it? Once again, I am reminded of the importance of spending time with yourself. I have a lot of friends and I love them a lot but sometimes I need to take a break from being the clown or the therapist and just sit there, eat a good meal, and not be thinking about which topics to talk about next while we finish our cheese burgers. Just plain comfortable silence.