So I finally did it. After months and months of torturing myself with over thinking I finally found the guts to quit my job. By now, I know you’re all well aware how chicken I am so when I saw that yesterday marked my 2 years and 8 months on the job I told myself, it’s now or never.

Before I spoke with the manager, I took three trips to the restroom because by 10am I drank and refilled my tumbler at least two times. When I was about to talk to him, I can feel my heart beating in my ears and like my heart’s in my throat. I really thought I was gonna puke. Anyway, I told him everything i needed to say. I felt pretty good afterwards. Very… liberating? I felt relieved. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I actually thought I was gonna tear up and cry even but I was able to hold it back and say the things that I need to.

I guess the hard part is over but the harder part is just beginning. The aftermath. I’m actually close to my co-workers. I’m like their round-the-clock reality TV junkie, movie spoiler, potty mouth, sarcastic blabber mouth clown in the office. (I’d like to think my jokes are really funny and that they’re not just being polite) The one who starts quoting the boss after the meetings and eventually makes a running joke out of it. I didn’t want to prolong my agony so I know I had to tell them as soon as I told the manager. We’re now only five in the office plus our cool consultant so we’ve become very close. I’m very touched with their reactions. I can really feel the love but as much as I would want to stay, I can’t.

I once told them that it isn’t about them or even the office. This is about me now. I need to do this not to spite anybody but I need to do this because it’s the best for me. I don’t know. I guess, I just didn’t expect people to be this affected. I know that they’ll be sad but sometimes I can feel the weirdness and sense the sadness. It’s like I have cancer or something. The way they look at me. It’s bittersweet really. It’s good to know that I will be missed but it breaks my heart to see them sad. I want things to be normal and to be just like any other regular day when we’re all goofing around.

I guess, it’s just their way of coping with the news. I totally feel for them. I know that leaving is hard but it’s also hard, or maybe even harder, to those who will be left behind. The aftermath really sucks but this is the way it is.