… I got bored. This is what happens when I get bored on the ride home – written on the drafts of my mobile:

I sit here waiting for passengers to fill the shuttle. It’s a couple of minutes past 8. I spent 2 more hours in the office because we had to prepare for the event scheduled this weekend. I briskly walked through 4 shopping malls to get to the terminal. I was worried I might not get on the last trip but here I am seated in a half empty van… waiting. It suddenly dawned on me that the most awaited event is happening tomorrow. After that, it’s “graduation” time for me. It suddenly hit me now. I’ve thought about it and was actually excited about prospects of new things but today at this very moment i feel… woried? I don’t know. Maybe because I haven’t been actually looking. My CV isn’t even updated yet. I’m starting to question if i’m doing the right thing. I’m doubting the decision maybe because today was a good day. I accomplished a whole lot and it seldom happens. Most days are spent rolling our eyes or huffing about what to do and where to go (insert  boring corporate psycho-babble here).

I guess i just thought, we all make a good team and i like working with them. It’s actually an okay place sans the annoying know-it-alls. Then i start to think “would they treat me nicely like these people do?” (wherever that next unknown place i’ll be). Then again, i think about the things they’ll be asking me to do and i don’t want to those anymore. Spent two years doing it. It was challenging at first. Got the hang of it and was doing pretty good. Two years later, i had to drag my feet every weekday. Got the picture? The people were kind and fun but the task bores the hell out of me.

Now the shuttle’s headed home. Slowly moving through the rainy Friday night traffic. That’s exactly why I want and need to go and “graduate” because i’m here slow moving like being stuck on the road on a rainy Friday night when I should be in a free way somewhere headed to a place with an amazing view of something (please forgive the analogy). I need to be some place else because if i don’t leave i’m gonna be with these okay people (which is totally fine ’cause i like them), in the okay building, and just be okay. The thing is, i don’t want to be just okay and feel okay. I want to be great and feel alive and awesome. I want to go out, explore, and punch the real world in the face. I’ve been waiting on the sidelines watching everybody go and cheering them on. Now, i’m the only one left in the bleachers.

I guess i (or we, cause we all do) need to get off our asses and try to figure out what the heck it is we’re supposed to be doing. Even if it means switching careers, going back to school, getting married, having kids, staying in your crappy day job or being a bum. Whatever it is, we must find it. It may take a couple of months, a year maybe more, but still you have to know. Find out what it is and be great because i still believe that we’re all destined for greatness.

Anywho, I’m just really tired and I got bored waiting so there it is, my two cents. This has been a very weird and pa-deep ride home. Haha. I gotta get off the shuttle now.

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