I was suppose to write something profound but after failing to log in here and after having to reset my password three freaking times i couldn’t push myself to philosophize and psychologize the things i’m experiencing lately. I have lost the drive to write something positive. Maybe some other time. Some time soon. I promise. πŸ™‚ Anywho, let me just rant for today and please (especially to my 7 subscribers) bear with me. It hasn’t been easy for the past weeks. I am in, how shall i call this, uhm… deep shit. Work is turning out to be a drag. Like yesterday, I sat through a 3-hour meeting that i slept through with eyes open (read: booooooooooring). Nodding at the right times and smiling politely whenever necessary. Often times, i’d be in a staring contest with my laptop. It’s hard not to think about what I’m gonna do with my life because right now i’m clueless. The only comfort I get is knowing that i’m not the only one running like a headless chicken in this zombie-like corporate life.

The thing is i’m stuck. I’m stuck in a boring day job (with a boss you sometimes want to strangle). My mom knows it. My friends are well aware about it. And the worst part is, i know it and i’m too scared to do something about it. That’s how messed up I am in the head. I dread change. Although i know it’s inevitable and even necessary. I’m finding a hard time starting something (see: find a better job or even figuring out what the hell is it i want to do with my life). I get comfortable and i start to compromise. It’s always a toss up between something new but risky and something familiar and safe.

Oh i’m not complaining, I have a good life. I am truly blessed. But, sometimes, I get this. My seasonal emotional thing. And i’d think to myself i want something. Something better. Then i’d think to myself, if I want that, I have got to be brave enough to take the risk or else a few years from now i’d be sitting in front of my laptop and would be bitching about the thing I should have and shouldn’t have done. Nobody wants that. Even you. Especially me.